Pain

Pain mentally and physically, Its driving me nuts, I am impatient, I know 2 years is short real short for people to think about it but  the days that is in camp is driving me nuts. Every Single fucking day , is all about waiting for RO and get over if all the training. It tough being a Singaporean Son. Sometimes , I really wonder, My love for this country is it that freaking much that i need to laid my life for it to protect? 

And all the while, Commanders are here to always mind fuck us, mentally tired of all this freaking things. one moment this one moment that, even in working field what i have experience is different from this .

They said serving ns prepared us for the society but to me , nope its not preparing for me for the society. Why? because alot of stuff they did doesn't have logic yet we are instructed to follow. I just don't get it .

Training that torture our bodies , carry over 40kg of loads on our back and march endless distances. I just don't get it .

I haven been able to cope , cope with the training , have been in and out of hospital for 3 times alone for this year and i foresee more to come with my spine issues. 

Its driving nuts, my weekend routine of going to gyms and runs have to stop just because my spine can't take it. I am not even able to walk properly every time when it hurts. 

I have done so much yet I can't cope with it , its driving me nuts. I don't get it how unfair this world can be . 

I JUST DON'T FUCKING GET THIS, I WANTED TO GO THRU YET MY FREAKING BODY IS NOT COOPERATING WITH ME. 

I am really getting impatient with myself. REAL impatient.