Saturday, January 11, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Lost.
Soon , if these thoughts doesn't ends , soon , soon i will lose myself , being able to control myself . I know , this is something i wanted even after i told you , i knew you will be there as a friend , i am happy about it but why , why do i feel different. Maybe I know things is different now , we used to talk almost everything, now i guess , there is pull backs .
I felt that i am losing myself too , everyday , every single fucking day , is to sleep as late as possible to make myself more tired the next day , so that i couldn't have any time to have any thoughts late night but just tiredness and all i could do next during night just lied flat on the bed without any thoughts.
I am not myself , this isn't the way , I hoped that day i didn't do that on impulse but I guess I did.
Sometimes , I just hate it when i attached myself to someone. putting efforts and more efforts but isn't enough or can i say is enough to be a good friend.
I know , you will be there but deep inside , i want to escape , I see myself don't have the face to face you but no this isn't what i truly wanted , conflicting with my mind and heart at the same time , i don't know what i wanted really.
I am losing myself , losing the ability to control myself , i am just a living person without its soul just know what i needed to do in life. that's all.
I hate this. Change my mindset isn't gonna take a day but i know it does take months or even years . I believe i can do it and i need to . endure. endure more i need to.
I felt that i am losing myself too , everyday , every single fucking day , is to sleep as late as possible to make myself more tired the next day , so that i couldn't have any time to have any thoughts late night but just tiredness and all i could do next during night just lied flat on the bed without any thoughts.
I am not myself , this isn't the way , I hoped that day i didn't do that on impulse but I guess I did.
Sometimes , I just hate it when i attached myself to someone. putting efforts and more efforts but isn't enough or can i say is enough to be a good friend.
I know , you will be there but deep inside , i want to escape , I see myself don't have the face to face you but no this isn't what i truly wanted , conflicting with my mind and heart at the same time , i don't know what i wanted really.
I am losing myself , losing the ability to control myself , i am just a living person without its soul just know what i needed to do in life. that's all.
I hate this. Change my mindset isn't gonna take a day but i know it does take months or even years . I believe i can do it and i need to . endure. endure more i need to.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Shouldn't I be happy ? shouldn't be I happy for you? Why I don't feel this way. I have done what i have suppose to do but it make me more regret because I wish i didn't tell you at all.
Sometimes being too honest isn't good at all.
I spoiled a group of friends and I feel nothing but pain. Time doesn't stop ticking , I need to be stronger but no I can't do it. I am stupid , stupid enough to treat every single people the same way that no one ever find out I treat another individual special.
I am a fool , totally a fool.
I am dawned to what i am suppose do but all i can feel is pain.
Sometimes being too honest isn't good at all.
I spoiled a group of friends and I feel nothing but pain. Time doesn't stop ticking , I need to be stronger but no I can't do it. I am stupid , stupid enough to treat every single people the same way that no one ever find out I treat another individual special.
I am a fool , totally a fool.
I am dawned to what i am suppose do but all i can feel is pain.
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